Welcome

I stood there_ my hands sweating. Even if I had the strength to lift my hand to the knob I don't know if I'd have the grip to open it. I felt her sweaty hand inside my other palm. Her dead weight spread into my body. I could feel how heavy she was. She felt just as heavy as I did. My body was lead. If we had to try to tread water, the water would win. We were out there for so long. We had no chance anymore. I was ready to drop like an anchor. My muscles failed me. I couldn't feel my feet. I stared at the large steel door that we stood in front of. I let go of her hand. It dropped with a thud at her side. I wrapped my arm around her side to prop her up with the few ounces of strength I had left. As I lifted her up, my hand grabbed the door knob. I lifted my head, ready to face was laid beyond the steel door. The second it cracked open I could feel it. The heaviness rushed in. I put one foot forward and dragged her in behind me. She stopped fighting it and moved wherever my arm led her. Once we passed the threshold, waves of heaviness drifted into us. Each wave held a different explanation. Each one told a different story. My head, no longer high, had no direction. I focused on my feet. I couldn't feel them, but I could see them. I lifted my head as far up as I could. The waves kept hitting us. As I stared into the eyes of strangers I saw each explanation. Abuse, neglect, lack of love, the love ran out, the kids grew up, another man. Each set of eyes felt like a stab in my heart. She didn't seem to move. She seemed lifeless... nothing was left. She'd tried all she could. We were sinking. Our feet were bound, we couldn't run. We were set. It was set in cold, hard, bitter stone. The door swung closed behind us. 

Welcome to the club.

Drains

Everything turns inside out

That cage is too small and they don't know

what to do with it.

Beeps and flames and sticks can't

make the cage open up.

I close my eyes, but it's still there.

The only problem is is that I don't know what it is.

All I know is that it's too big for me

and there's no password to open the door

and let it roam free.

The faucets,

all the faucets,

are turned on.

Someone left to make a trip to the store

and when I got home,

everything was flooded_ destroyed.

I was so distracted by trying to keep everything

from getting wet that I forgot

to turn the faucets off.

I looked down.

My feet were all wrinkled and shriveled.

Time had gone by

and I hadn't noticed.

I was being soaked into the flood.

I searched violently to find

a dry space to calm my feet.

My feet kept moving.

They weren't moving forward, though.

They were moving right and left and up and down.

I was being pushed in every direction

all the while the pounding continued.

It got louder and louder until I could finally hear it.

And then I saw it.

I saw the cage with the tremendous beast

smashed within the bars.

It was screaming to be let out.

I was screaming to be let out.

My hands_ what do I do with my hands?

What do I do with my hands?!

I fell forward_ I couldn't get up.

I didn't stop myself either...

I didn't know what to do with my hands.

I just laid there

while the faucets ran.

Hope was on the way...

I hope.

My Favorite Letter

My favorite letter, as I've discovered, is "J".

Here is a list of my favorite "J" things:

-John Mayer (delicious... when he takes his shirt off while playing at a concert... fab.)

-Juice (WAYYYY better than any other liquid that can be consumed)

-James Taylor (he's old, but FABULOUS in concert)

-Johnny Depp (self explanatory)

-Justification (you can justify anything if done correctly)

         -the root of the word... JUST... just be still, just because... can be used effectively every time

         -you can justify type while designing

-Jokes (they make me laugh)

-Jayden (LYNN is her REAL name)

-Jamaican looking girls (Kat)

-Juneau, Alaska (birth place of Alycia)

-Jack in the Box (has great curly fries)

-Jesus (he's holy... why not like him)

-Jumble, Juggle, Julep... all fun words.

Those are just a few... if I think of more... I'll let you know.

But as of today my favorite letter is no longer "E" (for EMILY), but "J".

It's Making Me Define Me

I truly believe that life comes in waves and those who are around you experience similar struggles and joys for a reason. Part of it is because when you genuinely care for someone you empathize with them. When a person carries their love for you in their heart and vise versa there's a strange connection that is formed. When you're hurting they feel your hurt and when they're hurting you feel theirs. Emotions are such a powerful aspect in our lives, but they're also the most confusing. There's such a vast range of emotions that can be felt. I believe that I have felt emotions on every end of the spectrum. Pure joy and utter sadness. Both are essential. Both are powerful. Both are worth it. 

But what happens when you feel both of them at the same time? 

When you feel extreme emotions you reach a point where you end up saying...

Have you seen (insert your name)?? I can't seem to find him/her (depending on your gender... if you're not sure of that... just say IT or THEM... THEM is, of course, if you think you might be more than one person because you feel like you're that far gone).

A friend of mine just said that to me and it got me thinking... Emotions are what force us to figure ourselves out. If we constantly ignore our emotions then how are we ever going to find ourselves? And WHEN do we reach that point where we don't understand ourselves and we have to start making ourselves define ourselves?

Yeah it's a cliche thought... "Emily I'm not up for your psycho babble right now."

But think about it... consider it... dwell on it... Search for silence. 

No matter where your heart is... whether someone carried it to India with them, Alaska, or South Africa, or if it's in Orange County or San Diego... My heart is split all over the world... I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for taking my heart with you. Thank you for speaking to it and making it question itself. Thank you for comforting it. Thank you for loving it.

You don't know what you're doing to me. How you are influencing me on your adventures. 

Thank you.

Grammar Lesson

My pet peeve:

The incorrect use of There, Their, and They're and other such homophones.

It was nice seeing you their.

When I went on a bike ride I used there bike.

I met his parents the other day. There nice people.

I went over they're.

No No No that is so wrong. 

Here is the correct usage:

It was nice seeing you THERE.

When I went on a bike ride I used THEIR bike.

I met his parents the other day. THEY'RE nice people.

I went over THERE.

I know that some people think it's just a weird problem I have, but the improper use of these can automatically make you look foolish to a stranger.

I was watching a very educational show the other day, Sex in the City, and in one of the episodes Carrie gets a letter from her Ex's new wife. In the letter, she wrote "I'm sorry I couldn't be THEIR." Carrie then calls her friend and says, "She's an idiot."

 So my entire purpose of this blog is to save you the embarrassment of being called an idiot because you don't know your homophones. Go ahead and incorrectly use a comma, but as for homophones...Learn them.

Extremes But We Relate

So I had a thought today... Well actually I have lots of thoughts everyday, most of the time way too many. Anyway, a good friend of mine just wrote a blog about her experience with discrimination and it just got me thinking... Aren't we all minorities in our own way? There are a rare few who could fit in anywhere in this world. I thought my friend was one of them. She's a beautiful half black, half white girl who gets mistaken for being everything from  Jamaican to Swedish. She's currently studying in India where she is a minority. I'm a blond haired, blue eyed, 75% German, some random percentage Jewish girl who lives in California. Yeah, based on my looks I fit in here. During the summer I can get an awesome tan and the more the sun shines on me, the lighter my hair gets. I am in no way exotic to California. BUT I've been all over the world and people know that I'm not from there. In South Africa that was an obvious one, in Italy they knew I was from California, in Germany they thought I was from there, and in the Philippines they just assumed I was American (rightfully so). Each place in this world has their ideas of what the "majority" should look like and what the "standard" appearance should be. But if looks were eliminated there wouldn't be a need for the words "minority" and "majority" in reference to society. I've learned that each person has hurts, each person knows how to laugh, each person has weird things about them. If I was alive during WWII think about how controversial I would be, I look like I fit into the Arian race, but I am Jewish, so which side would have won? Most likely my appearance, right? At least that's what I'd like to think... They'd take one look at me and ASSUME I was acceptable based on my appearance. 

One of the things that bugs me most about people is our ability to generalize and assume and categorize. I know that in America we're considered, by law, to be "free", but socially we are far from being free. Even a blond haired, blue eyed, 75% German, and some random percentage Jewish girl living in Southern California has assumptions made about her. They might not be as direct as a half black, half white girl living in India, but they're there. 

My Utopia: I wish that every person we saw was immediately stripped of their outward appearance. All we got was words and feelings from others. Once we got to know us then we got to see us. That way we'd see us for what we really are.

Let's make it happen.

And that's my rant today, in response to yours.

Love you!

My New Favorite Blog

Here's a man that knows his sarcasm, satire, and he's straight up sexual.

http:// www.johnmayer.com/blog