Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I am... rain?

Today is a rainy day in San Diego. Today is a beautiful day in San Diego. I woke up feeling refreshed and revived, not remembering where I left off in prayer last night when I fell asleep but I don't care.... Today is a beautiful day. I woke up with the feeling of rejuvination. I am delighted in the fact that our God has created everything on this earth to be BEAUTIFUL despite my preference for sunny days. God has shown me beauty in this dreary weather. I have no idea where this spark has come from or where this sudden passion has risen from inside of me. I feel ALIVE. My deepest desires have resurfaced and today I have found FAITH and HOPE in knowing that all of this suffering has brought me "Back to You" (Johnny never lets me down with a good line to thrown in somewhere). I want to constantly be filled with this desire to LOVE an GROW in this crooked world (thanks Meg for this word that seems to be embedded in my head) and shine brighter than a 100000 Watt light bulb. I want to thank YOU, all of the YOU's in my life who have held my hand, held my heart, shook their heads at me, breathed with me, lived with me, listened to me, held the many pieces that somehow comprise this awkward human being that I call myself. I know that we are all so far from being perfect or sane or rational. Today is a great new day. 

I don't want to WANT anymore. All that I desire is a NEED for what is real and what is true. I don't want to be comprised of these earthly compounds, just of the purest of elements (Thank you Physical Science). 

Where my girls at? That thought keeps coming up in my head (Destiny's Child? Is that their song?). But thank you for the silliness of yesterdays conversation. It lightened my heart, relieved me of my daily stresses for that brief moment in time to stop and think about how great our God is to let the stars align for a moment and allow us all to be in the same place at the same time from all corners of the world. 

Just when you think you have lost all hope, all sense of yourself, you look in your closet and say THERE YOU ARE! God has allowed me to meet him here. meet him NOW. just as I AM. I am bust a mere human being, but I, we, am created by him, the greatest artist of all time. I am here. I am now. I am... who knows what I am, but I am.