Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Pictured above if the newest member of the Hamer-Schmechel household. Her name is Eleanor Cordelia Rigby.

Ok I've always been ANTI- cat but then my aunt gave us this cat. We wanted the runt of the litter and her name was to going to be Sadie Lou Freebush, but when we drove out to my aunts 5-acre property in the middle of no where little Sadie Lou ran away and disappeared (She's a magician said my uncle while we were on our 3rd hour of looking for the stupid thing). SOOO Tracey pulled herself together, we decided that Sadie Lou wasn't meant to be, and we brought home Elley (that's her nickname).

For those of you who haven't tried your Photobooth with your pet... YOU SHOULD!
We love the newest member of our family.

OK but on a more serious note:
Today I was driving to Balboa to drop off a painting for my boss and I got uber distracted by a painted electrical box (or whatever they are... you know the ones that are painted all over SD?). Well it wasn't the most beautiful piece of art I'd ever seen but the message on it was inspiring. "Life is Beautiful" Yeah it's something we've all heard before, but it just sparked something inside of me. God has the best sense of humor. He lets your eye catch a little secret message that you wouldn't usually notice (We've all driven that way and probably never noticed it). YEAH this whole this is cliche but it made my day.
So i encourage us all to embrace the beauty of LIFE! indulge in it, laugh about it, cry about it, celebrate it!!! no matter where we are... Africa, India, Camp, by the ocean, or in the middle of the desert.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Things I decided today:

Today I did absolutely nothing. I went outside for 1 reason (well for the most part, I left to get a sandwich and go in the spa but that was all after 8 in the PM) and it was at 11:00am, in my robe, to grab something from my car (which was parked half way up the hill from my house because everyone decided last night to sleep over... oh yeah you better believe I got honked at by cars driving by...FUN!). It was a fabulous day. I caught myself staring, which was something that I hadn't done in a long time. Staring at nothing and thinking about everything is a great form of therapy. My friend always tells me I suck at alone time, well today I think I proved her wrong. For once, my favorite hobbie (people) wasn't something I wanted to indulge in. 

So here's what I've come up with today:
people's blogs are fascinating... I had NO idea
the ceiling of my room is hideous
sometimes my kitchen is way too far away
my friend Tracey is THE funniest person I know
if you pee your pants a little when you laugh, it's okay
if you're tired at 8:00 PM, go in a spa and it'll just make you even more tired
God created strange things (i.e. popcorn ceilings, humans, blue birds, words, ideas, colors, clouds that cover sunshine... just off the top of my head-- these are all things I witnessed today)
God created beautiful things (i.e. words, ideas, colors, sunshine, laughter, sandwiches, Tracey-- all things I experienced today)
people can make you jealous really easily (by saying they got to go to Freddie Mercury's house today)
bathrooms will always be dirty no matter how much you clean them
if something has cheese on it, it is good
listening is important
Crest white strips are a pain the ass but are glorious nonetheless
sometimes it's okay to throw in the towel and let down your pride
silence is a beautiful thing
writing a wedding speech is a pain in the ass
having like minded people in your life is inspiring
God has the best sense of humor... just listen for it

There's nothing like a day of silence to break any type of insanity.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


I am relaxed, darkness has already fallen and the only source of light is the small slither of that cheese-like textured moon. My lids are starting to feel heavy. I pull the blankets over my face, trying to find comfort. It's so hard to find these days, something that isn't making my hair fall out, that is. My lids are heavier now. My bed seems like it's shrinking, the walls are starting to run at me. Everything turns black. My lids are too heavy. God must have flicked off the night light he was providing for me, my last source of comfort. Strangely enough, I'm not scared. Next thing I know I'm waking up. Light is pouring into my iris' and suddenly I say
Good morning sunshine, I'm so glad you're here.

Like Rain

My heart goes
pitter patter pitter patter
blood goes in and blood goes out
My lungs in hale then exhale
That's how I breathe
My mind turns and turns
My legs hold me up
My eyes show me the world
Then I see you and everything changes
My heart goes pitter patter
pitter pit patter
but then it stops
because I see you.

Little Girl

Excuse me little girl sitting in that jacket, swimming in it.
Where'd you get it? From a big girls closet?
Where'd you get that gun? From your daddy's drawer?
or maybe my daddy's drawer.
I can't stop what you do, but I'd sure as hell like to try.
Looking at you is so hard to do.
It's taking everything inside of me not to cry.
I feel like there's no point, you just blink those blue eyes at me.
Those big blue eyes that only show me my own reflection.
I want to stop you from doing that, pulling that trigger.
For your own good, but mostly my own.
We can take our finger off that trigger.
Rip our eyes off that shiney trigger because, my little baby, it'll hurt more that what we feel now.
Only we can stop our hearts from hurting
and only we can stop our hearts from beating.
Only we can stop our lungs from breathing_ right now.
I'd like to say sorry for how I failed you.
Sorry for making this not worth while.
I'm sorry for that blindfold that's covering your eyes from what you could see.
I'd like to say life is beautiful, but sometimes that's a lie.
Come here little girl, let me hold you while you cry.
Give me your hand, we're in this together in a strange way.
We are each other, but we are our own.
Let's walk away from the closet that's been keeping us in the dark.
Hold my hand, hold me while I hold you.
I'm sick of holding back my tears.
I already feel like liquid,
might as well drain myself out.


I'm looking for a shoe without a lace,
but not just any shoe,
a shoe that matches the lace around my wrist.
It's white and thick.
It wraps around about five times,
and it comes to an end where both ends form a knot.
I need to find a shoe for my lace,
I don't want to keep it for myself.
I want a shoe. I want a shoe for my lace.
I want to find the perfect shoe for my perfect lace.

To You My Darling

Strawberry fields and soy lattes, craziness and a whore family no longer deemed simply crazy but insane and addicted. Addicted to selfishness and fishnet stockings. They cover you enough to warm you up a little, but they aren't whole_ they aren't holy, but they're holey. You can still see everything despite the attempt to veil yourself, hide from reality but everyone can see the general shape. They aren't fooled by the shadows. I'm not fooled by the shadows even though I'm the fool behind the shadows, in the shadows. 
You worry and write while I dream and draw. I am not going to crush like that aluminum can that you hold in your fist while trying to forget your not-forgotten. I am and always will be who I am. You aren't who you are. Without me you crumble. Without you I am at my best. I am what I can be with you across the country and Atlantic. I am who I am despite becoming what I eat and who I indulge. You aren't like you swore you always would be. I am you and you are me but not anymore.
Songs are turned into lives and can become any story. I can't write songs or play them or create them but I can sing them, and i DO and i WILL. And despite what they mean they are for me and what is me. They fill me. That are my therapy. So are people... but at this point everyone is turning black, fading into the dark and I am left... standing alone to deal with me.

So I Thought of You Today

While sitting on a bench
That overlooked never ending green
I could've sat there forever
Dreaming about street lights and pillows
And other lovely things
Overlooking where I've come from
If you were there
You wouldn't have been able to move either
I'm glad you were there with me
I felt you in my hand
Smooth and wonderful
I decided to keep you forever
Because I liked the idea of always knowing
That's where I found you

For her

"For her I changed pebbles into diamonds, shoes into mirrors. I changed glass into water, I gave her wings and pulled birds from her ears and in her pockets she found feathers. I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a light bulb, a light bulb to become the moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love. Both sides were heads: I knew I couldn't lose..."


Freedom fell upon us as we sat upon our bikes to ride. The second our wheels started moving everything changed. The wind in my barely-there hair felt wonderful mixed with the heat of the day. We wheeled our way to the outskirts of the city where everything fell silent and there was nothing but neighborhoods and cars slowly rolling by. We were intrigued by a sign that read "camping" and followed it up a winding path to a new level ground surrounded by trees on all sides. The sun wrestled the branches to peak itself through upon us. A gap in the hedges called out to us, sparking our curiosity. We locked up our bikes and hopped the fence into a new world. We grabbed the purple, round, juicy grapes and fell into a world of bliss. We wandered around, admiring the greenery that suddenly surrounded us and seemed to sneak under our skin. Once high enough we found Florence, in all it's glory, laying down below us. I felt infinite... I think all of us did.


Drawn to it, like an addict needs nicotine walk away, chairs, all of the chairs and fences touch from every angle, breathe from every angle focus, focus but not too hard your heart might shatter it's not like you deserve it, you don't feel much anyways you feel everything- rings in hair, in jackets, in fields of blankets under trees close your eyes, it'll go away Darkness, the color of eyes and hearts especially after you've fixed those fits Fix it... it's still beating, breathing What, nevermind I wonder what it'd look like in the day in the sun, you are my sunshine but not my only hat touch, breathe, look and get lost in get out of my head, out or disappear, disappear, disappear, i can't stop that was it that was it it was it was it was but liars never tell the truth eyes are hard to see hands are hard to feel feeling isn't anything-- anymore nevermore always more no more no more's that was it, eyes are only beautiful if you want them to be