Sunday, August 10, 2008


I stood there_ my hands sweating. Even if I had the strength to lift my hand to the knob I don't know if I'd have the grip to open it. I felt her sweaty hand inside my other palm. Her dead weight spread into my body. I could feel how heavy she was. She felt just as heavy as I did. My body was lead. If we had to try to tread water, the water would win. We were out there for so long. We had no chance anymore. I was ready to drop like an anchor. My muscles failed me. I couldn't feel my feet. I stared at the large steel door that we stood in front of. I let go of her hand. It dropped with a thud at her side. I wrapped my arm around her side to prop her up with the few ounces of strength I had left. As I lifted her up, my hand grabbed the door knob. I lifted my head, ready to face was laid beyond the steel door. The second it cracked open I could feel it. The heaviness rushed in. I put one foot forward and dragged her in behind me. She stopped fighting it and moved wherever my arm led her. Once we passed the threshold, waves of heaviness drifted into us. Each wave held a different explanation. Each one told a different story. My head, no longer high, had no direction. I focused on my feet. I couldn't feel them, but I could see them. I lifted my head as far up as I could. The waves kept hitting us. As I stared into the eyes of strangers I saw each explanation. Abuse, neglect, lack of love, the love ran out, the kids grew up, another man. Each set of eyes felt like a stab in my heart. She didn't seem to move. She seemed lifeless... nothing was left. She'd tried all she could. We were sinking. Our feet were bound, we couldn't run. We were set. It was set in cold, hard, bitter stone. The door swung closed behind us. 
Welcome to the club.


Everything turns inside out
That cage is too small and they don't know
what to do with it.
Beeps and flames and sticks can't
make the cage open up.
I close my eyes, but it's still there.
The only problem is is that I don't know what it is.
All I know is that it's too big for me
and there's no password to open the door
and let it roam free.
The faucets,
all the faucets,
are turned on.
Someone left to make a trip to the store
and when I got home,
everything was flooded_ destroyed.
I was so distracted by trying to keep everything
from getting wet that I forgot
to turn the faucets off.
I looked down.
My feet were all wrinkled and shriveled.
Time had gone by
and I hadn't noticed.
I was being soaked into the flood.
I searched violently to find
a dry space to calm my feet.
My feet kept moving.
They weren't moving forward, though.
They were moving right and left and up and down.
I was being pushed in every direction
all the while the pounding continued.
It got louder and louder until I could finally hear it.
And then I saw it.
I saw the cage with the tremendous beast
smashed within the bars.
It was screaming to be let out.
I was screaming to be let out.
My hands_ what do I do with my hands?
What do I do with my hands?!
I fell forward_ I couldn't get up.
I didn't stop myself either...
I didn't know what to do with my hands.
I just laid there
while the faucets ran.
Hope was on the way...
I hope.