To My Samba Girl

She's got the worlds most contageous smile,

She's got the smoothest brown skin.

She fills my heart with joy and laughter,

Her name is not Jayden, but Lynn.

She reminds me of yellow sunshine

and a bucket of sweets,

She loves to sing and swing

and move to old school beats.

Oh my Lynny girl

off you go

on a beautiful adventure

to discover everything and more.

Go climb trees 

my little Samba girl.

Fly with the birds

and sing with the clouds.

Roll in the mud

and swim naked when you can.

Dance underneath

the Southern Hemisphere's stars.

Shout to the world

know that you're blessed

and when you get back

tell me your stories.

We'll be waiting with smiles

and open arms.

Blue Jays and Scarecrows

Brown and dimpled, where has my sanity gone?

A blue jay swooped down and snatched it with its beak.

I saw it with my own two eyes, but it happened too fast that I don't really remember it.

Then I started spinning,

First in a field, then in a town, then in a sea of darkness

that flooded from the inside out.

I couldn't find the faucet.

As I was searching for it a hand reached down.

It went straight for me first,

the righty-tighty of the faucet was second.

It didn't matter if I couldn't breathe,

What I saw would have taken my breath away anyway, twice.

You're beautiful when you cry.

Tears ran down, ran down nakedly,

they were unstoppable.

Notes ran in my ears, through my brain,

into my heart and out my soul

and caught every drop in its hands.

It was a deep desire to sit at that table and purely indulge

not through my mouth, just my heart.

The other day it went from stone to mush to sponge.

The only thing about my sponge is that it can't hold enough.

It's already full and 20 is such a miniscule number on the scale.

The power you hold in your hand like a remote.

Press your buttons, let's get this movie rolling,

preferably up hill,

down just has weeds and scarecrows.

If you look up there's sunshine and those are the only two things I need.

My own and my worlds, 20 days ago,

20 days from now.

20 lifetimes I'd spend filling myself up with you.

Bags of Tea

I walk into work today. Get to my desk. Put the mail down. Notice a little sticky note that reads:

Emily- Last Thursday you left me a message on my phone. It was 5 minutes long. It was a convo between you and another girl. I couldn't get all of it, but the end was about tea bagging, and how one of you had looked on wikipedia to find out what it was. I don't think you knew you were leaving me a message but thanks for the laugh.

Hours: 9-12:30

lunch

1-4:30

-James

So naturally I turn on the computer and record his hours that he had worked into the time sheet. While doing so I thought to myself... when did I have a conversation about tea bagging? When did my phone accidentally call James? (A boy I'd met for the first time the other day, very briefly, we talked work stuff.) But to be honest I was not surprised by it because I probably had had a conversation with someone about tea bagging and what it was.

LATER I picked up Tracey when she got off work (at 1:00PM) because that's what we do every Monday. Not really thinking about it, I casually asked, Did we have a conversation about tea bagging? 

Her reply: Yeah, on the balcony the other day. Remember I told you I didn't know what it was so I looked it up on wikipedia and the picture they had showing what it was was of some video game thing? It was a picture of a video game character tea bagging another video game character in some Transformers video game. Why?

And then I explained the note. We had a good laugh. Then we got sandwiches.

Green

Left turn signal, street lights

My hearts beating like it does when 

I'm remembering.

It pounds in my chest.

Begging to be let out,

To run away.

I make it stay.

I want it to realize that

There's nothing left here

in this ghost town.

The orange glow 

makes me  green.

Those chairs dig into my body.

It doesn't nearly taste as sweet.

But I decided I'm not hungry

Anymore.

I've got green streets

and blue skies elsewhere.

Goodbye.

My heart beats normal again.

I'm home.

Sleep Sweet Sleep

The lights go out, it's almost one.

There's some fumbling with blankets and pillows.

I can't see much of you

You're just a figured silhouette in the dark.

You move so gracefully and place yourself on top of me

You touch my face and whisper secrets that only I can know.

You tried to explain, I like that you always try

To explain what I already know.

You put it into words I'd never thought of.

I can feel you, more than I ever have.

I was expecting a story

and maybe a short little prayer

but instead you just looked at me

and tucked me into bed.

It was the most innocent we've ever been.

Sleep never felt so sweet.

Mercy by Duffy... listen to it

OK... some thoughts, stories, comments of this past week.

Feelings: chaotic, stressful, beautiful, exciting, joyous, giddy, tired

-Be careful to answer the door if you're only in your underwear

-I've never thought my heart would stop like that

-Parents are crazy.

-Sunset Cliffs on a clear sunny day is simply gorgeous, one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

-Gas is too expensive.

-The best text message I have ever received: 

Tracey: "Let's quit work and head down to TJ"

-I used to like my cat... now it just follows me everywhere... and i don't like it as much anymore

-Deny, Deny, Deny

-Puzzles are fun when they come out of no where and you have the right kinds of sustenance

-Dad's are wonderful... well mine is at least

-It truly is a small small world.

-You might think it's fun to get your eyes checked, but it's not... your eyes just hurt afterwards.

-4am can be the greatest time of the day

-Don't you think it's weird how you're hair just stops growing? and doesn't grow in certain places?

-I sat in the same section as this man on the train, he started talking, I listened politely, next thing I know he's showing me pictures of his Costa Rica vacation and asking me if I want to get Persian food

-I want to play Ultimate Frisbee (LYNN!!!!)

-I played the game of LIFE with the 2 girls I nanny for. Advice: Always let the kids win and let them make up whatever rules they want. 

-In the game of LIFE I ended up married with 2 boys and 1 girl, I was an artist making $100,000 per year, I lived on the beach and every time someone rolled a "1" I got $10,000. C'est la vie!

-You should watch the North Shore alternate ending... it's good every time.

Sisterpants Hood

So I was driving home and got a call from one of my best friends who is currently living in SLO. She was talking to our other friend who is currently living in Alaska. I was told to rush home and go online and somehow we were going to video chat. I started laughing in my car by myself at the thought of the 4 of us kindred spirits being like the characters in Now and Then. Four girls, different paths and directions, but we hold a bond that can surpass any type of distance. I drove home faster than I ever have, rushed to my computer and got to see 2 of the most beautiful faces I know. We laughed, we shared, we loved... then the connection (or something) broke and that was the end of it... but it was totally worth the rush home.

There's something amazing about the bond that is formed between 2 people and it grows as more people start to share that bond. There's something about the same-sex bond that fills a certain hole in your heart that nothing else can fill. Our God is an amazing God. He has blessed us with the gift of being able to connect and go deep and be intimate with others. 

Kindred spirits fill holes that nothing else ever could. It's beautiful. 

My heart feels whole again. : )

A Public Announcement/ Correction

This just in... Eleanor Cordelia Rigby is a HE not a SHE. We decided to leave the name and let shim (she+him=shim) deal with gender confusion issues.